Sunsigns for 2013

The world is changing, and so is the sun. New signs have emerged out of the brightest star in the Solar system that have necessitated the addition of new sun-signs to account for, and predict the future of (thereby enabling 231 starving astrologers to avail of the benefits of the Food Security Bill through the NREGA scheme by presenting the Aadhar card to the local bank at the time of loan application/waivers) Following the latest Goldman-Sacks report that C-PAIR (China-Pakistan-America-India-Russia) is the new BRIC, the new sun-signs have been modified to cover multiple nationalities.
  • Modeo

    A Modeo as he sees himself.
    Modeos are typically identified by others’ reactions to them – an aversion to enter into discussions relating to the present, a prefunctory dismissal of opinions as biased or a labeling as being part of an online legion of trollers who pray on the weak, ill-informed or at times, a male chauvinist (since the lion usually leaves the dirty work to the lionesses), often leading to frustrated roars that can be heard all the way from Gir to Kuno. A Modeo will find comfort chiefly with other Modeos, although they continue to be hounded about the Year of the Fire by the Mediacorns who also expect them to answer every question from the starvation of arctic wolves to the mating habits of common slugs holistically and inclusively.

  • Mediacorns
    A typical Mediacorn.
    The Mediacorns are often loud, pre-occupied and stubborn, and cannot resist butting horns with Modeos the moment they see them. Mediacorns are proud of their trade and will invoke its name at the slightest provocation, and they can be easily provoked by questions of facts, motives, alternatives or traffic tickets. A typical Mediacorn loves a good rough-up as long as he/she is not physically involved but can witness it or use it later. There are Mediacorns who are exceptions, but prophecies foretell that an alpha Mediacorn will soon emerge to recreate every Mediacorn in his image with his quest for needing to know what everybody else already knows. Despite their aggressive and temperamental nature, Mediacorns can be easily domesticated by Concerians who take advantage of the constant struggle between the Modeos and the Mediacorns.
  • Concerians
    The Concerian Symbol.
    Concerians make good matches for Mediacorns due a symbiotic relationship and are excellent deal-makers. Concerians get along with everyone except Modeos because their existences are mutually exclusionary – a Concerian is most likely to be replaced at the workplace or at home by a Modeo, and vice versa. Concerians are fond of hand gestures and can often be seen holding it out for no reason other than to admire their own handiwork. They are also partial to the color green and black. Concerians are always concerned about other Concerians and will therefore always stick to queues and a rigid sense of self-disciple, but are often good enough athletes to make rapid U-turns without breaking into a sweat. Concerians typically prefer a Maiden as their boss especially as Concerians have an automatic urge to pull down another Concerian.
  • Maiden
    A Maiden in cricket. You tell me.
    A Maiden is one of the rarest sunsigns, since it happens only when a great tree falls heavily enough to shake the earth. It is named after a cricket term that signifies an over of Zeros in T20 cricket, but most Maidens are actually fans of football and volleyball. Maidens are often considered to be readymade leaders in any sphere they walk into and can often hit self-goals or the official captains without being suspended or red-carded, unless they red-card themselves. Maidens are also highly unpredictable and have great capacity for greatness and giving up their own dreams, although their reliance on Mediacorns and Concerians for the actual execution leaves them vulnerable and confused. Most Maidens have a Taurijay as their closest bodyguard due to the instinctive connection between their intellects.
  • Taurijay
    In front of The Taurijay Club
    A Taurijay is often characterised by a bull-headedness that is immune to reason and a marked antagonism to red, saffron, orange or pink. Taurijays are also loners, but make excellent bodyguards once their loyalty has been earned. Taurijays also get along with Mediacorns and Concerians to a certain extent, but the friendship rarely extends beyond a certain level due to mutual suspicion and discomfort. Taurijays typically do not make good family men, due to their paranoia, but despite their nature, are often the show-stealers at parties, press conferences and Youtube. There are aspects of Taurijay that resonate with the Geminiam, but there have not been enough Taurijays or Geminiam to study the inter-relationship in detail.
  • Geminiam
    Known for speaking out of
    both sides of their mouth.
    Unlike a Taurijay, Geminiams are extremely agile where their principles are concerned, often within the same sentence. Geminiams are also family-oriented and may marry more than once if allowed to do so, unafraid of the risks of managing the ambitions of their offspring from different mothers. Studies have shown that Geminians also make good fathers materialistically, often leading to their children getting plum posts and rewards, but can also scar their children with their confusing critiques. Geminians are also fond of green color sleeves and are physically very active, unlike the Aryamys.
  • Aryam/Aryamy
    An Aryam-Aryamy
    Aryamys are often armchair theoreticians known for their imagination and ability to alienate a large section of the people with a few choice remarks. Most Aryamys spend their younger days in youthful indiscretions, pursuit of higher educations on foreign shores or both, before returning to their hometowns and invading the quiet peace there. They are persistent Romeos and will keep ramming their heads against the wall until they get what they want. Aryamys may be intellectuals of top order but not everything that comes out of an Aryamy factory is top-notch. Aryamys may get along with Modeans, although disagreements are not unheard of, but are always at loggerheads with the Anti-Aryamys, the Pissesists.
  • Pisses
    A Piss
    The Pisses sun-sign is derived from the hinterland name for ‘fish.’ Most Pissesists often find their way to a coastal area, or at the very least a salt-water lake, and are not be mistaken for pacifists. Pissessists are principle-driven and immune to reason or objection where that principle is concerned, and often prefer their left side to the right. They are creative individuals who are characterized more by what they don’t create than what they actually do, and can be found in groups near a watering hole. Pissesists hate Modeos, barely tolerate Concerians, disregard Taurijayans and Geminiams, but the one sign that can get under their horn is the Aryans. Pissesists are notorious for interfering in neighbors’ affairs when their own house is burning, much like another arch-enemy, the Aquarius.
  • Aquarius 
    A Typical Aquarican

    An Aquarican’s first reaction in any new place is to barricade himself within walls, scare people off with muscle and machine, piss in the local swimming pool and then interfere in his/her neighbor’s affairs in their best interests. Aquaricans are characterized by a their fondness for cows, dead or alive, and the legal system, and will find any excuse to test the latter a worthy expenditure of time. Aquaricans have a tendency never to learn from the past and therefore end up repeating the same mistakes, much to the delight of the Pissesists and Modeos. They are also the self-appointed Conscience-keeper, Banker, Producer, Middleman, Seller and Sheriff of the World, an attitude that often irks the Scorpsians.

  • Scorpions
    A Scorpsian in action
    The Scorpsians consider themselves the intellectual forefathers of the Pissesists and hold the belief that they could have been the Sheriff if only they hadn’t run out of cash fighting amongst themselves during the Ice Age. Scorpsians are quite insular and couldn’t really care what happens to the Modeos, Mediacorns, Maidens or the others as long as the trash isn’t dumped into their yard, but lose no chance to turn an Aquarican’s misadventure over to the Mediacorns for free delight.  Despite the often indifferent nature, a Scorpsio can scuttle well-laid plans simply by baring their chest and revealing dirty tales.  Their only real beef is with Libranis, the only group continuously Chechmating them.
  • Librani
    A Librani cannot get along with his/her spouse, neighbor, parent, child or pet due to a high level of cultivated intolerance. Libranis are often extremely fussy and prefer overkill where not even a single kill is preferred, and are happiest when they can spread their values to others. Their humor is often considered to be gallows/guillotine humor and the only ones even fleetingly able to bear with them are the Aquaricans, with whom they share a love-hate relationship, and so the only possible short-term partners for a Librani are another Librani or an Aquaricus who falls in between. Libranis are also known to work well with the Sagittese, although their over-insistence on doing everything by the book often spoils the relationship.

  • Sagita
    The symbol of a Sagita is an archer who’s screwed his eyes so that he can see the whole world, and like the symbol suggests, Sagittese are characterized by a narrow view of the world around them. The Sagittese often look to a particular Sagittese for leadership and the strongest contender for this is often called the Secret Chair. The Sagittese are as unwelcoming of criticism or differences as the Librani but are often more sophisticated in their approach, preferring to act without announcing their intentions to the whole world. Sagittese are also extremely calculating and manipulative and may often take-over homes of the docile Concerians if invited in as a brother. Their perspectives may be narrow, but they are often willing to take long-term risks that pay off. Only another Sagittese will be good enough for a Sagittese, although Pissesists have been known to make good spouses from time to time.
    *Applications submitted to the Govt under the Rajiv Gandhi Scheme of Registration of New Symbols, Indira Gandhi National Starvation Hatao Yojana, Rajiv Gandhi Scheme for New Son Signs (sic) and Sonia Gandhi National Disclaimer Scheme